Traversing Uncertainty
by Niko
Summary: Filler between To Turn the Other Cheek and The Consummate Oath


Things always looked different in the dark. What was there in the light of day was clear and hard to contradict. At night, shadows clouded every shape and idea and formed them into frightful images one wished to hide from. Sometimes even the dim glow of a candle wasn't enough to put things back into perspective, adding fuel to the fire, one might say, as it cast all-new shadows the moonlight had felt fit to ignore.

Yuri placed the candle on the bedside table, trying to keep the wax from sloshing about too much as it came to rest on the sturdy wood furniture. Doria often fussed about candle wax ruining the surface and he wasn't in the habit of making his faithful maids cross with him. He straightened up and looked around his room, certain thoughts coming to mind that seemed so inane it was almost ridiculous. For instance, that, once he was married, this wouldn't be just his room anymore.

When had it been his and his alone though? Very seldom was he alone here, and even then he would consider his roommate as still having possession of the room to some degree. It was already their room, so why did it seem like such a big change from the way things were? It was their bed, their nightstand, their draperies, their comforter and sheets. They'd always shared them.

So why did it make a difference now?

In the bed, with only a hint of his bare shoulders peeking out from under the warm blankets, lay his fiancé, asleep by all accounts. It was well past midnight and, by some grace, the older man had retired rather than hover over Yuri as he tended to castle details. Most of the details had concerned the impromptu proposal several hours past, making sure the announcement was sent to all allied foreign nations to head off rumor with royal decree. Gunter had been so moved by the exchanging of leather lacing that he ordered an addition to be made to his log of ceremonial rites to include the exchange, requiring, in addition to that, a rather embarrassing retelling of Yuri's kneeling proposal to be included in his current side project: "The Biography of the Heart and Soul of Shin Makoku, Protector of Innocence and the Forgotten, Surveyor of Justice, Champion of the Sovereign, the Unconditionally Generous and Thoughtful, the Twenty-Seventh Demon King, Shibuya Yuri, to Whom We Honor, Love and Obey with Great Pride and Adoration for Now and Forever."

The title would need to be revised. Or at least shortened.

Before the signing would even take place though, Yuri had to face Gwendel. The stern man had demanded that Yuri keep his word and not break off the engagement a second time. Yuri had had no intention of doing so, but as he said it, little doubts began to surface. Gwendel was keen to deception and Conrad, ever present at his king's side, took up for him when his mouth felt dry, telling his brother in words Yuri could not have thought to say that he had thought long and hard about this decision and was prepared to follow through.

But was he?

He loved Wolfram. He couldn't deny that. He wouldn't even try to anymore. The blonde was rooted so deeply in his heart that it was impossible to separate them without seriously wounding them both. They wanted to be together--things only made sense when Wolfram was there--but doubts grew and grew, frightening him more than the shadows in the room.

The form on the bed stirred slightly, eyes fluttering open and squinting against the candlelight. "What time is it?"

"Twelve-twenty, I think." Yuri smiled a little and sat on the side of the bed.

Wolfram groaned and rubbed his face. "What have you been doing for such a long time? Has Gunter lost all sense of reason, keeping you busy this late?"

Yuri shook his head, feeling a little guilty. "I was just sort of walking around, I guess. Thinking."

"That's rarely a good thing at this hour." Wolfram sat up, annoyance clearly pinching at his face. As the blanket fell to his lap, it revealed the trimmed top of his pink nightgown, its rows of bows and synched cloth clinging to his flat chest.

Yuri blinked. "You're wearing that again? I thought you hated it."

"I like the way you look at me when I'm in it," Wolfram explained simply. "Don't try and change the subject. What kept you?"

The king sighed, sure his thoughts would sound terrible out loud and afraid of hurting his fiancé's feelings. "I just think maybe...I acted too quickly. With the proposing. Not that I want to take it back. I love you," he quickly stated as he saw the anger rising in his companion. "It's just...we've never been together in a romantic sense. We've been friends and we've been lovers, but we've never gone out or dated or anything like that. We went straight from friends to being engaged and that's my fault. I should have...what do you guys call it...courted you. We should have gotten a chance to see that we still like each other when we're in love."

Wolfram shook his head. "I have no idea what you're talking about. If I love you, of course I like you."

Once again, why couldn't he make it make sense? Yuri sighed and flopped back on his bed, head landing in Wolfram's lap. Gently, Wolfram began to run his fingers through Yuri's hair, calming him quickly and soothing the king's fears of enraging the fiery blonde.

"What if things change, Wolfram?" Yuri looked up at his face, thinking to himself silently how lovely he was. "What if I treat you differently, now that I'm sure of myself and it annoys you? What if you act differently and it gets on my nerves, too? Even if we love each other, we can still hate the way things are between us. Maybe I'm not the man you think I am, or maybe--"

Wolfram pulled Yuri's hair. Wincing, Yuri shut up.

"Things change, Yuri. They already have." Wolfram's eyes were harsh and bore down into his fiancé's. "If I annoy you, you will tell me so and I will do my best to accommodate your request. I have never held back in communicating with you on these matters in the past and I don't intend to stop. When you are irritating, as you are now, you will be made painfully aware of it. And we will deal with it, and accept it, and move on."

The king nodded, rubbing the top of his head, where his scalp still stung. "Marriage is a big deal, though. I want to marry you, don't doubt that for a second, but I--"

"You're a coward is what you are." Wolfram pushed him from his lap. "You've spent all night worrying over a stupid word."

Yuri sat up, pouting slightly at his lover. "It's not just a word, Wolfram. It's the highest level of commitment people can make."

Wolfram shook his head. "And I have already made it. That is what this is supposed to signify, remember?" He put his hand over the leather lacing he'd retied around the sleeve of his nightgown. In the darkness, Yuri hadn't seen it there. It was strangely soothing though. Over his own nightshirt, he had done the same. "I already live and die by your command as your subject, and as your fiancé, my life is as much concerned with your happiness as it is with your survival. Marriage is a ceremony--a tradition. It isn't necessary to me now that I know you love me. How we live now is the same as any other married couple, isn't it? We even have a child. So what, pray tell, are you so worried about if it's not something as stupid as the word 'marriage'?"

Yuri paused for a minute, thinking about it.

Wolfram lowered his voice, leaning over closer to him. "Tell me why you love me."

The king blinked. "Excuse me?"

"Tell me why you love me," he repeated, the warmth of his breath felt against Yuri's cheek.

"Because you're honest," he began, feeling a little awkward being put on the spot like this. "I never have to doubt your intentions. You're confident and I can feed off that and make myself stronger in any situation. You believe in me and care about me even when I'm a wimp. You understand me. You give me undivided attention because I'm Yuri, not because I'm the Maou. I never have to worry about impressing you. You'll take me any way I am, crawling on my hands and knees in the mud or riding on Ao's back in formal dress..."

Wolfram kissed his cheek. "Feel better now?"

Oddly, he did. Somehow, listing off some of the many things that made him love the blonde had washed away the doubts of binding himself to him. How could he not want to marry someone like that? "Yeah. Sorry about that. I just...I want everything to be perfect between us now. I don't want to be the reason I lose you."

"Maybe it's scary to you, but it isn't to me. I've been ready to marry you for a long time. So don't doubt me and don't doubt what we're going to become. Some things will change, but nothing so drastic as to warrant you walking around till midnight worrying over your stupidity." Wolfram sat back, a teasing expression coming to his face. "I suppose, though, if you're going to be such a wimp, that there is no rush to be married. I accept a long engagement. You're not going anywhere so long as I'm here, so it's not like I have anything to lose. One of these days, you'll make me an honest man or I'll simply be forced to kill you."

Yuri smiled and nodded, whatever was left of the pressure in his heart melting away. "Thank you for understanding."

Wolfram nodded and reclined on his pillow. "I hope you realize you ruined your present tonight, though."

"Present?" Yuri's eyebrows arched. "What do you mean? You got me something?"

Wolfram shrugged, stretching coyly, his nightgown creeping up his slender legs. "I waited up for you, but you never came. This is the night of our engagement. I figured you might want to celebrate it."

"...Oh." Yuri found himself blushing as his eyes followed the long legs up to the hem of the gown. He'd dreamt on several occasions of the mazoku man lounging on the bed in similar fashion, calling his name with his nightgown hiked up to his chest. In his dreams, Yuri had always been more of an active participant in their sexual escapades. In real life, it had yet to be more than a one man show, Wolfram calling every shot while Yuri obeyed and gave into his desires. It was a sore spot in many ways, most of which he'd pledged to himself to rectify. This was the man he loved.

He'd fulfilled his hearts desires with the proposal. To fulfill those of his body would be the icing on the cake. "You know...we're both awake...and..." His mouth was suddenly dry again. "I never really...for you. I...can I?"

Despite the awkward and incomprehensible nature of his words, Wolfram nodded and looked at him with a rather sultry expression that sent shivers down his spine and warmth to his groin.

Yuri crept across the bed and took the end of the pink cloth in his hand, slowly pulling it up the smooth thighs until the proof of his masculinity began to peek out. No underwear, he noted. He paused only a moment before pushing the nightgown up to his waist and exposing him entirely below.

EDIT- sex sceen

Exhausted, Yuri took some tissue from the nightstand and cleaned his lover off before curling up at his side. Wolfram pulled him close, resting his head against his chest as they laid in silence. With fingers once again stroking his hair, Yuri sighed with a smile and nuzzled the pink nightgown.

"You were wonderful," Wolfram said quietly, kissing the black hair tucked under his chin.

Yuri's smile broadened. "I'm glad. You deserved...more than that. But I'll work on it."

Wolfram nodded, not complaining in the slightest. Yuri had accepted him completely, mind, body and soul. Performance could wait for critique.

"I guess...some change is good," Yuri thought aloud, his mind wandering back to how the night had begun. "I really shouldn't be afraid of us changing, it's going to happen one way or another. All that really matters is that we change and grow together, not apart."

Wolfram nodded again, half asleep. "Took you long enough, wimp."

"The things that matter the most take the most deliberation." Yuri pushed himself up enough to leave a last, lingering kiss on his fiancé's lips before leaning over the bed to the small flickering light that still danced on its wick.

He blew out the candle and went to sleep.

The darkness held no nightmares for him.

Unedited version available at http:(DOUBLE SLASH)niko(DOT)spectrumvoid(DOT)net(SLASH)writing(SLASH)Tu(DOT)html


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